DUDES!!!
(and dudettes)

life has been rolling like a banchee. ive had like, zero time to skate, and like, zero-er time to do other stuff. like write dudes. some pretty gnarly stuff has been goin on though guys. cool stuff. so ive been busy. so like, you know.. sorry for the big disapointments and stufff.... and sorry for whatever, and you know.

so, Christmas break is over!! what a tough thing eh? well, heres the thing. You guys need to know what happened like, to ME. ( and trev, and my pants, and.. well...) my break was pretty sick dudes.

DAY 1: Well, i actually like, slept in for the firt twenty years of break to let my mind get off school. so day one was like, shot.

Day 2: Trevs cat pooed on my face. Which isnt that odd for the cat, but, like, it was runny. like, if i was running, it would have beat me. and then some more. So while im sleepng. the dumb thing decides to crawl its fat butt on to my face to release a great gravy load of toxic excretions. not gonna lie. i didnt mind it that much. until i realized it happened. Trev had to use a blowdryer to get the bits in my nose to stop running out and onto my shirt.

DAY 3: my pants. this is what happened duders. i fell asleep at the TV, and the TV got jelous. then it just got gnarlistically-ugly. the TV got up, jumped onto my legs, just about waking me up, then sat there until it burnt a whole in then and got me in trouble. ( well, i guess its like, a matter of who says who. cuz i guess it kinda fell because it got in the way while i was like, you know, dancing to techno-dance-club-party-house-electronic-distortion-battlestargalactica-gangster-pop-area-syth-mosh-ninties-remix music. yeah, thats what happened. i forgot. oh yeah, the screen like, busted too. dumb cheep things. so now i gotta pay for it. you know how expensive it was?



(More later dudes. got school in the mornin..... *sigh*)

Across The Galacta-Web, Dudes. (and Dudettes)

So, Heres the thing.

Me and trev were like, y'now, surfin the web for some neat videos and stuff, when we were like; " dude! its mickey mouse!" How gangster is this lil mouse dude!? I mean, well, you know! anyhow, just check it out guys:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8FzGOOQNDY

CAF.

so, schools been in for A WHILE.....

dude, a couple things:
#1- why do they have potential embarrassing moments at the beggining of the year?
#2- why do me and trev participate in these events?

yeah, battle of the bands went down, dudes. so let me take you back for a second, to a moment, a moment before Thrashville met the tortures of Dead Dudes On Death Street. So me and trev are gettin ready for the 'battle' back stage (which was actually just the smelly boys locker room behind the stage...), when we meet our, you know, fellow banders. DUDE, these dues were as jacked as any jacked dude ive Ever seen! I dont even think any of them besides the tech guy were still in high school... and they like, were all tattooed and stuff. And the were smoking so much weed that i couldnt see the deatils on thier faces. 'xcept that they all frowned like scarface. so being a couple of nice lil banders, me and trev say ' hey guys! are you ready?' . and thats when they all kinda stepped back in synchronzation and faded into the smoke. man, that was a gnarly trick... it gave me shivers...

so anyhow, after meeting these dudes, me and Trever started to warm up. he had to tune his clarinette, and i had to change my pants. after all the coughing and groaning, trying to get out of weedsmoketopia, we go out to watch our oponents play. man! they were loud! all i could hear was the vocalist go like- " WHEEEEEEEEEE, GROOAANNNNN, SQUEEEEELLLLL, IM SCARY!!!!! "
so i went back to change my pants.
when i came back, we were about to be up. man! how am i suposed to change chords as fast as that dude is!? hes like, playing up past the third fret and everything! i bet he could even play bar chords. And the drummer, dude! they like, had an actual drummer man! he was like, kicking his feet right hard and making lots of symbal smashes. the anouncer came on, and they threw him off. (i think in total, ten people went to the hospital after that show.) "WE ARE DEAD DUDES ON DEATH STREET!!! COME GET YOUR WHIMPY BUTTS THRASHED AT OUR NEXT SHOW!!!!" so after the police .. uh, 'dealt' with those nasty characters, we went up to close.
Trev tooted his clarinette, and i broke a string on my guitar. everyone was quiet. after me trying to get the string out of my face, and trying to take it off my guiatr while reaching over to the head of my guitar and taking it off by feel while at the same time moving my head the opposite way and poking my fingers SEVERAL times.... we were ready to play. " uh... hey! were, uhmmm... Thrashville! yeah! were a metal band everyone!" I looked over at trever, and he panicked. his face said hey dude. oh... oh wait man! agh! im suposed to start now? RIGHT NOW!!!???? OKAY! he started squaking as loud has he could. did i mention he forgot to put his reed in? so i panicked also. i started to strum the open strings and stepped to the mic. i tripped over some wires, and fell onto this cheerleader chick. she freak out and kicked me in the ... place. But trever kept on playing, and hius face was getting red. som i tried to crawl back onto the stage, then fell down onto the same girl. this time her boyfriend punted me back onto the stage. i got up, and tried to sing something, becasue my guitar broke when i fell. i couldnt breathe, so i just tried really hard, and farted indtead. trever had Just ran out of breathe when it went. Trever fainted- due to lack of oxygen- and his clarinette went flying and poked my in the eye. * PINK* " AAAHHHH-RAGGGG- AHHHHHHHHH - CHHHHH!!!!" so i figured we were done, and tried to like, grope my way off stage. my hand found somehting, and i tried to walk towards it, it was the weight system for the curtain. dude. a tweny million pound weight fell on my toe and i tripped. it hurt, dude. its totaly gnarilated my toe, too. i rolled on the ground for a while. some smart alack shouted out: ' oh yeah! thats the dude form the skate park! hahahahah!' a teacher mecifully dragged me off stage, at which point, i myself passed out. as everyone was leaving, trever was still lying on the stage.

yeah, atleast we won. because the other band was eliminated for like, trying to illegally sell drugs to minors. or something. so i got to sit in the caf, and it was worth it, man. because of my various scars on my face, and ability to grow a moustach (a fairly good one anyhow) i dont think any one knew it was me. as for trever, not so lucky. so i gave up my luxurious gifts to like, you know, chill with the dude.
Well, i guess that another one for my lame-o stories with trev. dude, this guys like, cursed or something.

mmm.

so, like, you dudes and dudettes who have been hitting this page, i would like to speel a speel. enjoy the blog and read it from like, from gnarl bottom-to tilly topsom. post your comments on the journals. ( cuz i wanna like know whats going on in your little box room upstairs yaknow.)
and most of all children, dont forget to come back and check for the next blog, EVERY STINKIN' DAY MAN! cuz you dont wanna miss this junk. all the other little bloggies and bloggers will be like, ' dude, yoiur kicked out of the elite five, man.' dont let that happen. im saying this to all three readers!

King Kong

the last day of summer vacation. so my parents think ' hey, lets make Martin miserable and ruin his life by like, ruining his life!' so they tell me on monday that were leaving, on monday, for a ' day trip ' . dude. why would they think i would want to come! ive already shown my like, utter dis-affection towards my sister and confined small places.

so as im getting ready for this lame-o trip and packing things in the car, this crazed seagul flies over to the car, poops on it, then leaves. i screamed like a little girl cuz i didnt know what it was at first. but then, the stupid thing comes back! i screamed again cuz i knew what it was, and what it did the first time. the ugly pasty white thing lands on the car, slamming the trunk down on my fingers. DEEE-AANNNGGG. that was a serious ouchy. dude, this thing is sycotic. so its not stopping there. it stays there, and stares at me. and just when i was about to reach out and grab its little feathered neck, i realized my fingers were still attached to my body, and still iside the trunk. man! dude! this reeks! or maybe it was just the seagul in my mouth. but seriously, he was right up in my face. well, i did what i thought suitable.

aha, your thinkin right now: oh no, not another chipmunk experience.... oh no, its not going to be. im going to use the laws of chill-it-out-dude. so, i kindly screamed in the puitrid birds face- " HEY! PERSONAL SPACE BUDDIE! AND YYYYYOOUUURRR IN IT!" so it pecked me.
you know, you see these things happen in funny home videos and what not, but seriously, that hurts, like, alot, dude. he hit me like, right on the bridge of my nose. and i was like, bleeding abundantly all over my face.
Think Martin, Think! so if he was gonna disrespect me and like, almost poo on me, break off my digits, and then try to rip open my sinus, i wasnt gonna treat him like all the other good little birdies. yeah, i tried to bite him. it didnt work. he just stepped back, pooed again, then flew away. ahhhhh, release, i could lift the trunk and get my fingers out. just then, everyone else comes out and gets in the car. " MOM! my fingers are like, bleeding! mom! mom! mom! seriously, cant we just get some band-aids?" nope. she didnt even look at them. so off we went. i stared at my fingers the whole trip. watched the blood dry on them. i couldnt move them without it hurting. but sometimes i did move them. cuz that way my mind was off my little sisters insesent noise.

so when we- finally- got to where ever it was my dad was dragging us, my dad stops the car, and a seagul hits the windsheild. the car went dead silent. after about an hour of us just sitting there thinking thoughts like: ew... or, what.... or, why.... or, who... or, where... or, how.... , i sat up bolt straight and screamed. " YEAH! STUPID BIRD! THATS WHAT YOU GET! " i was staring crazed at the bird, and the rest of the country was quiet. i spat a little when i screamed. everyone in the value village parking lot stared. so my dad went out to get it off cuz my mom was too afraid, and my sister was crying. ( i tried explaining how good and evil works, and how that bird was evil, but she just cried more.) once he gets out, the bird flew away.... my jaw was dropped, and my sister stopped crying, and started giggling with joy. my mom just mumbled and got out of the car.
after ninety hours of my mom and sister picking out and putting back everything in value village, we went back to the car. on the way, i passed a small white blob in the corner of my eye. i spun around to see a seagul. THE seagul. i could tell cuz he jut stared at me and pooped. my hands were no good, and he knew it. so i charged full speed, letting my arms fly behind me, and putting my head down. screaming bloody war. the cocky little thing just walked a few steps towards me with its little scronny neck bobbing and then stopped. he pooped, and took flight. i kept going and couldnt stop. i head butted a car, and an alarm went off.
doesnt matter.
must kill bird.
must settle score.
it landed three feet behind me. i whipped around again and charged. this time, i thought ahead. i spat a loogie in its eye. it kinda flopped and like, tried to blink. its lil gnarly face turned all ew-ish, and i kept going. it tried to take flight again! this time forgetting to lighten its load by first excreting feces. i dove, it lifted, i bit its wing. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! with it trying to get away and my trying to take off its head by inching my way over with my toungue muscles, it was an interestingly slow situation. it was like a twitchy twilight zone moment.

dude, i got it good. it flew away from that battle crippled. no dumb bird beats Martin. i turned back to my car with feathers in my teeth, and a smile on my face. that died fast. there was my family, half turned around. sheesh, they like, looked like they just saw a crazy old man run nude down the street.
needless to say, i enjoyed my victory over the odds. now i just hope this scar on my nose, and bump on my head go away before school starts.

Skate Park

so i decided to take a break today. so i was like, thinking, right? what has more to do with breaks than skateboarding? right? dude, i know i like, suck and stuff, but i could be gnarly and not even know it.
so i had to find my deck. it was kinda hard, cuz i left it like, burried in my garden. (i tried to grind across my fence, which bombed. cuz its a wooden fence about three feet long. yeah, another painful ending.) so im just about to ask my mom for a ride, when it hit me. dude, skater dudes dont get lifts with thier moms. so i had to walk. i got there the next day. so once i saw the place, i knew i had made a mistake. dude, i have never seen so many guys with thier shirts off before. sweat was constantly spraying over my body, as they came up on the ramps. sick. you think they would like, notice losing ten pounds every minute. no wonder theyre all soo skinny. so i put my helmet on, and my knee pads, and my elbow pads, and my wrist gaurds, and my mouthpeice, and my special west 49 shoes, and my shin pads, and my shoulder pads, and i was ready to go.
okay, maybe i didnt do all that. but seriously. my mom made me wear like, every stitch of extra protection she could. so i looked like i was about to play goalie while riding a skate board. i fell.
like once i touched my feet to the grip tape of the board.
that was actually Very painful. im pretty sure i like, shattered my leg or something. so by now all the dudes and dudettes in the park stopped, and stared at me rolling on the ground, holding my leg, and making wierd high pitched whines. dude. i wish i was wearing a hockey mask.
so much for being gnarly and not knowing. all i know is that everyone thinks im a little gnarl pup now. so now, with a couple weeks of summer left, ive got a bad twisted ankle-(as my mother later diagnosed) and a bruise the size of north america on my shin. so i sit at home playing Shrek the video game. there are no cool points in sitting on your couch, playing shrek with your little sister.
and losing.
how do you even lose that game!? its like, not a win lose game! you walk around little shrek looking like people and hit stuff. i think my sister put me on crazy-ultra-super-gnarl-tastic-violent-hard-never-gonna-survive mode.
yeah, i put my board back in the garden.

Twitchy'll be fine...

so, dont say stupid things to trevor. like, ever. hes the most non-taking-things-the-way-theyre-suposed-to-be kind of guy.

today, i made the silly mistake of telling him that my toe hairs were too long. dude, he went insane. he like, bolted it out of my house. at first i was like, oh, he just has to go to the bathroom. wait, dude, theres tottaly a bathroom in my house. cuz i use it. yeah, he went home to get his new chemestry set. i hate it when he does that!! he just runs off, leaving me lookin like a lil gnarl pup, and comes back with sceince, or clown masks, or wierd irish cook-books. Anyways, trever is all gettin ready to do something that i dont like. so i asked him, ' dude, whats with the highly toxic chemical warfare it thingy in my basement?' .... i guess he took that wrong too. he just stopped with his mouth open and said ' its not dangerous! its science!' pshhh. whatever. its all just crazy anyhow. 'ill help your toe situation.'

well, im not about to let him do that. i mean, its not like i hate my long toe hairs. atleast its hair. like, maybe someday, if theyre long enough, i could use them as shoes. im not going to let him vaporize them off! theyre a necessity! so i took advantage of this stage of perplexity and saw an open window. ' hey trev, i think your mom is calling you. '

the bait worked- he turned just enough to check if there was someone behind him. i ran. dude. the screen was on the window. so i kinda folded up like an acordian on bugs bunny and fell back- but my hand went through it and i got stuck. real bad. trevor slowly turned and his glasses slipped off his nose. my eyes were probably as large as the universe as i realized how close that was. i think i peed a little bit. quickly, i ripped my arm out of the screen-well, actually the screen just popped out of the frame-and i ran towrds the stairs. trever pulled his glasses up to see an empty window, and heard thomping footsteps up the stairway. ' hey....' was all i heard. out the side door, down the left- no wait! trever would expect that! so to the right, and up towards trev's house. i tripped. just as trever came out of the house. quick! i rolled onto the street, and had to get up right away because a car almost hit me. that and also the screen on ym arm was hard to roll with. trevor stood there watching as i tripped over my sagging socks, then put my hand in gum. dude ... that slowed me down a bit. but i got up and ran for trevers house. trevors cat -twitchy- came out and i accidentaly punted it across the yard and tripped at the same time. this was starting to become a bad habit.
the cat was fine, it just didnt like the fence anymore.
trevor came rounding around the corner of the house and i was trying to get the screen off. the chase was up.
i stood there: panting with my socks half off, gum in my now stuck shut hand, and a screen on my arm.
he stood there: slightly amused.

' listen! nahh, aww well, sorry bro. no ones calling you. my bad.' trevors not stupid. he could tell i was just trying to explain why i bolted out of the house, ripped out a window screen, evaded him, leaped into the street, and drop kicked his cat. he just shrugged and went inside is house. a few minutes later, he produced some fresh brownies his mom made, and some milk.

so we sat there. eating and watching the cat try to get up, then do what look like and intentional backflip. ' dude, i actually like my toe hairs.' it sounded kinda wierd for me to blurt out.

' you know, you could have just said something.' thanks trevor. that little tid-bit would have helped before i got kicked out of my dads will for " thrashing out" on his house.